Not only is it tacky, but it feels ugly and unsatisfying, and can create a back-and-forth situation where the child is shepherding mean comments from household to household and it’s just no good for anyone. A good example: My partner’s child, like many her age, has trouble settling down for bed. Your limit could be anything – changing dirty diapers, or going to Sesame Street on Ice. Yes, you can have a great relationship with someone who has a kid.I find the ritual of coaxing her to sleep incredibly stressful, and finally I realized, you know what? So about an hour before bedtime, I take myself out to a movie or a drink with a friend. But there are important factors to consider, and it’s not selfish or shallow to think about them carefully.
And if you take the plunge, remember that a good relationship should make everyone feel happy and secure – your partner, their child, and, most importantly, you!Jessie Hale is a freelance editor and project manager at Taqqut Productions, a media publications company dedicated to preserving the stories and knowledge of Inuit.I met his son only a few months into our relationship.You do end up staying in more when you have a boyfriend, but I was also staying in to read bedtime stories and help build Lego.If they’re on good terms, you may even meet and interact with your partner’s ex. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to completely ignore the fact that my partner ever dated anyone before me.
So hearing his child stay stuff like “Sometimes I wish Mommy and Daddy would get back together” – which to me sounds like “Wouldn’t it be great if your boyfriend dumped you and got back with his ex? If you have feelings of jealousy, acknowledge them.You get to go to cool places like the Science Centre and Canada’s Wonderland. You get to watch awesome kids’ movies like Monsters Inc. But also consider the ways this will affect your relationship with your partner.Particularly if they have full custody, their ability to be spontaneous will be greatly reduced.Talk to your partner about your feelings and determine together the best way of handling it. On the other hand, don’t let your jealousy consume you, or turn you into someone you don’t like. Women, especially, are socialized to think they have to pitch in for every task, but you don’t need to step in and take on all the responsibilities of co-parenting right away.Maybe you don’t go to events if the child’s other parent is likely to be there. Never, under any circumstances, say something bad about your partner’s ex to their child. If there’s something you feel you can’t deal with, don’t deal with it. I help in lots of other ways, and burning myself out on a parenting duty that produces a lot of anxiety for me will only make me resentful.Think you might want or need to move away from your current city someday soon? And the costs of child support, babysitting, or simply day-to-day life with a kid may reduce their financial ability to participate in the fun activities you enjoy. People with kids are by no means boring shut-ins, but the reality of supporting and raising a child is expensive and time-consuming.