I searched for it on Google, and up came countless links to pornographic websites.I clicked on many of them, and the screen was soon covered with explicit pop-ups.
When I was 13, I would stay up late at night and watch scrambled porn on my TV in my room.I still remember, on my cable provider the Spice channel was 73, which happened to be the reverse of VH1, which was 37.I knew this was not right, but I continued to talk with others about sex, and imagine what it was like.Even at age 11, I heard a sermon about lust that ended with an altar call for congregants struggling with lust.I eventually started experimenting while watching it.
I was a virgin and I was curious, and at the time, I didn't think it was doing any harm.On the inside I was slowly wasting away, chained to my addictions and the woundedness that I was trying to avoid.For those four years I led a double life, and I was good at it.After our relationship ended, I craved that feeling that I no longer was experiencing. I knew it was wrong, but I still wanted to experience an orgasm. As a kid, I was exposed to sex scenes in movies and sex chatter among other students at school, who repeated details of what they had heard of, seen, or done.I remember watching a steamy scene from (and if you've seen the movie, you know the one) on You Tube, and before I knew it I was viewing pornographic material. The Lord had worked to get me out of that bad relationship, and I didn't intend to go down that path again. I began to develop impure thoughts and daydreamed about sexual activity.When things between us ended, I combated rejection and heartache with pornography and masturbation. Every morning and evening—sometimes even in the afternoons—I would engage in those things.