It’s the ones who employ actual manners, as we learned them growing up, who make us feel the worst about ourselves.
I see it, I recognize the truth in it, and the part of me who was raised to be a courteous Southern boy who respected the feelings of others is never going to be quite okay with the idea that “rudeness” is the nicest thing I can do for another person.
Whatever the case, the man should budget for two people, just in case the woman is working on the assumption that she won’t by paying; this will help to avoid embarrassment.And if the other person absolutely insists on paying, don’t engage in a prolonged and heated discussion about it.It’s also important to strike the right tone: you don’t want to sound formal or cold, but, equally, you want to sound relaxed rather than over-familiar.It’s also a good idea of avoid projecting into the future and saying things like “We could do this together …”, and when it comes to the sign-off, ‘Yours sincerely’ is obviously out of place, but ‘Love and kisses’ can seem a bit premature.And yet, here I am, convinced beyond just about any doubt that what we’d call rudeness in our face to face dealings is a far kinder way of behaving in the online world.
It’s cleaner, it’s less awkward, and as counter-intuitive as it may seem, ignoring people spares their feelings.Certain topics of discussion should be out of bounds - your ex, your weight, your illnesses, your losses on the stock exchange … And avoid making comments that could be taken amiss …”Your hair looked much blonder in your photo,” or “You don’t really mean to say you believe in astrology, do you?”, or telling the other person what they ought or ought not to do …”You shouldn’t put so much salt on your food.None of us likes to be rejected, and if we have any empathy about us at all we’re uncomfortable inflicting pain and/or embarrassment on someone – especially since that person’s only crime is thinking we’re kinda neat. When I first signed up for back in 2010 I didn’t know the rules. It turns out that I much prefer being ignored to being acknowledged in cases of rejection.I remember feeling obliged, when I got a message from a woman who didn’t interest me, to try and craft a nice reply that didn’t make her feel bad about herself. If there’s no contact, it’s harder to take it personally.Before you make contact with one of your recommended partners, take a careful look at his or her profile.