For them, attraction, love, chemistry and the whole kit and caboodle have a foundation in something of nothing. What you don’t realise if you’re relying on ‘instant’ or very quick attraction, is that you’re saying that you can be attracted to and even fall in love with someone that you don’t know, but that you couldn’t become attracted to and fall in love with someone that you grew to know. You can fall in love with the promise, but you couldn’t fall for the reality?
When the person does things that directly contradict the image you have of them, you keep going back to the initial feelings and perceptions you had, as if this is ‘right’.It then means that aside from not feeling attracted to people who you don’t feel it ‘instantly’ with, you also won’t reduce your attraction to someone you felt it with immediately, even as you get to ‘know’ them and they’re not meeting your vision, hope, and expectations. Don’t you want to have the option to choose healthily?Twenty years ago this month a young man’s trajectory to stardom was cut tragically short. and I’m wiped out after a long waitressing shift for the Ahmanson Theater crowd in downtown L. I’m about to turn out the light over the clock radio when my phone rings. His voice is weighted by sadness, urgent with some indecipherable fear. ” “I’ll be right there.” Banging the phone down, I yank on my sweats and grab the glasses I wear when I’m not wearing contact lenses. ” “My dad’s funeral.” On screen is newsreel footage on a VHS tape of his father’s ceremonial funeral in Hong Kong sixteen years earlier. I’m not interested in Bill, who looks a lot like me, blonde, blue-eyed, familiar. To me he’s exotic, fine-boned, hazel-eyed, with dark brows and hair. As the night winds down I’ve given up my Brandon quest. ” He seems to consider the idea for the first time, teasing me a bit.Legendary martial artist and actor Bruce Lee’s charismatic son, Brandon Lee, was carving a name of his own in film when he died tragically on the set of the gothic, comic film is Here. I figure it’s my old college roommate calling after anchoring the eleven o’clock news at KSBW Monterey. I jump in my shoe-skate Honda and pull out of my garage in sixty seconds flat. When I arrive I find Brandon in his bedroom huddled under his heavy duvet. I climb into bed next to him, put my arms around him. In the grainy footage Bruce Lee’s corpse rests in an open casket displayed to all in a throng-filled square that’s a paparazzi/media circus. Brandon’s mom, Linda, wearing short brown hair, maintains a stoic expression behind dark sunglasses until she’s led to the casket and sees her husband. I sit at a table despondently finishing my beer when I feel two hands placed on either of my shoulders. “I guess I am.” “Good,” I say with a confidence I wish I had when it came to auditions. On the day Brandon dies I work the lunch shift at a Santa Monica restaurant called Ocean Avenue Seafood. But when I get home around three o’clock there are twenty-three messages on my answering machine.And before anyone asks, no it’s not about forcing yourself to date someone that you have no interest in, but it is about making sure that you’re not setting yourself up to fail and/or repeating unhealthy patterns.
If it feels familiar and you’ve had your fair share of dodgy experiences, it’s a warning sign, not excitement or ‘spark’.It’s saying: “Molly…[insert your name], slow your roll.Your mentality is that of someone who thinks they’re a love psychic.It is fascinating that so many people are hung up on instant attraction, instant chemistry, instant spark, and basically this illusion of instant knowledge about a person that they either haven’t even met in the flesh or don’t even know.These very same people will protest that they ‘can’t’ go on a date with someone and will find it unlikely that their attraction and interest will grow, if they don’t feel it immediately.Spend some time in group settings getting to know people (in reality not your imagination) without the pressure of ‘dating’.